Ordeal of Odin – Day Five: Spontaneous

Last night was a very late night indeed! I have a last minute, 8 o’clock massage appointment and thusly didn’t get home until 9:30 or so. But there is something that came to me during the day – particularly spontaneous ritual. When I was younger, just starting on my path, I had this idea that rituals had to be planned and perfect – but I couldn’t always have it that way. Eventually many of my rituals become what I’d call “outlined” – I had a general idea of what to do, what order to do it in, and what I’d like to say but left it very open. And that is still very much how I am today; I have a soft spot for spontaneous ritual – it just feels right.

I find that the words that flow when I’m praying ad-lib are often so beautiful – more so then anything I could have written before hand. Last night, I prayed to Tyr and my ancestors to bless my space and protect me. It was powerful, and I certainly can’t remember exactly what I said or how I said it – but it was beautiful.

I like spontaneity, and I believe that’s part of what I love about ATS bellydance – it is, generally speaking, totally improvised. There’s a vocabulary of movements and a general understanding of cues and transitions but at it’s heart, it is created in the moment and no two dances are the same. The idea just makes my heart sing.

Ordeal of Odin – Day Four: The High One

Today my head has been full of the words from the Havamal and Odin’s quest after the Runes – quietly, behind the scenes the words have been “playing” in my mind; like a song that is stuck in my head (but not at all annoying). All of this repetition has brought a new layer of understanding to the words while simultaneously encouraging me to seek out other interpretations. I’d very much like to share this one:

Something about her manner makes me feel as though she is reminding me of things I once knew and have forgotten rather then teaching me something new.

Also, as the words repeat in my head, they become slightly shifted. Not much, of course, and perhaps being shifted closer to a more “true” translation – I sure the version I have is very accurate, but language has so much nuance and so many emotions that translation can never truly be perfect. I’m always reminded of the very opening of the Aeneid in this regard: Arma virumque cano translates as “I sing of arms (weapons) and a man” but it means so much more – just these three (though technically four) words – and some sense of the meaning is lost; I sing of a war and a hero (and trust me, I could go on). So much can be changed or dropped or lost in translation; which is a shame because words are so important.

Words are something that Raven has come into the life to teach me about. The importance and effect of words – the power that they can hold.

Ordeal of Odin – Day Three: The Guide

Today, I had a Tarot reading – a short, unexpected one. A young woman who read palms at the store was in today taking appointments – after hours, she suggested we trade readings (something I never turn down). I read for her first – sweet, simple and to the point three card spread. She wanted to read Tarot for me, as she’s just getting back into studying it seriously. The reading she gave me had a clear message: Follow your guide, and you’ll be led to greatness – so long as you’re truly willing.

What a timely message! It has been some time since I’ve last journeyed to Annawynn, partly because I’m afraid – not of her, or what she has to teach me, but of what happens after that. While I know good and well that I feel called to this path, am I sure my ego is not pushing me too far or too fast? How to I offer what I have to others? Do I really know what I’m doing? The self-doubt sets in and it is difficult to keep moving forward. So, this impromptu reading was very telling for me – I am being led to a place of beauty, grace, and fulfillment; so why fight it?

Now is the time for me to “rest” – to recharge and prepare for the next leg of the journey. I have the clear sense that there won’t be time for doubting as I begin again to move forward.

Ordeal of Odin – Day two: Reset

Today offered less time for reflection (as expected) but did offer me a good chance to check in with myself, in a few different ways. First, I was able to perform without breaking my fast (I did have some juice though). Second, I was hearing my inner dialogue much clearer today – for better or worse. I’ve always been a bit of a negative self-talker, and I’m trying to change that. Despite what my mind was telling me, I was told my solo (the subject of the most negative self-talking) was great.

Perhaps most important (or most noticeable) is feeling my body reach toward a new set point. A few months ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome – basically my body produces hormones in less-then-optimal ratios causing many symptoms that up until this point I’ve never thought could be connected. I’m now on medication to help correct these cycles in my body – and with this fast I’m really getting an opportunity to feel that change happening. Thus, my word of the day is ‘reset’ – and I thought perhaps the runes could give me some insight into how this change really effects me.*And sometimes I find these simple, spur of the moment reading to be the most insightful – they are certainly the most practical.

On a side note – I was a little concerned about dancing in a headwrap – not because it’s unheard of, but because I’ve never done it. And I have to say, I looked beautiful.

*Runes that came up were Wunjo, Eiwaz, and Algiz – though the particular interpretation this time around is something that I do not feel called to share.

Ordeal of Odin – Day one

First things first – I’ve felt called to do my ritual in the morning rather then the evening – which I think works out better with my neighbors and their oodles of children. Something simple and less structured then in the past. Today, I did remember to stop and grab a bottle of mead for offering and made sure I know where my copy of the Poetic Edda is. I also did some reading in the Völva Stav Manual by Kari Tauring (I will have to write more about this latter) to inspire my ritual and get me in the right space. Last year was about feeling a call to Odin – this year is about claiming and reclaiming power, I think.

So, come morning, if I’m up as early as planned, I’ll be able to do my ritual outside before sunrise – not sure why but that feels right.

Also tomorrow I face perhaps the most challenging day of this ordeal – my troupe is dancing at an Art & Wine Walk event tomorrow, with a group rehearsal before hand. I imagine I’ll be able to handle everything fine; just have to remember lots of water and perhaps some juice if I’m low on energy.

The first day felt fairly low-key, which in a way feels right. I’m feeling more settled in this time around then I did last year.

Ordeal of Odin – A better (and more personal) introduction

So, the wheel keeps turning and I find myself again preparing for the Ordeal of Odin – and I’ve made a lot of changes in the past year, and so I will also be changing the ritual I used before. Change can be good!

Where I am now, the Ordeal is a time to separate a bit from the world – a time for introspection. Some of the changes I’ll be making include:

• Fasting from sun up to sun down – for health reasons, I can’t quite fully fast for the 9 days, so I’m modifying this part of my ritual.
• Wearing a headscarf – for me, this is an outward reminder of the introspection and separation the 9 days will be marked by.
• Nightly offerings of mead, song, poetry, and the like to Odin.

I’ll also be working on reading the Poetic Edda – I’ve read bits here and there, but I’ll like to do a better and more dedicated study. Also working more in-depth with the runes (of course) and using their energies in new/different ways. I’ll be writing everyday and am looking forward to talking time for some self healing and whole-ing.

Journeying to the Runes – Part 4: Nauthiz

While normally, I don’t go into detail about these journeys, the words that Nauthiz spoke to me require a bit of context to understand. So please, let me tell you a story.

Crow, my guide through this world, led me to a village – the people were upset, some crying. A large fire had been built near the fields – which were rather empty. I asked an older man, the first person I came across, what had happened. “The crops did not thrive after the hail came, and many of the young ones are now sick. We’ve built the need-fire, so the gods can hear our pleas.”

I asked to be taken to one of the children and was led to a little boy, maybe 7 or 8 years old. I laid my hands upon his head and sung a song of power (that centered around Nauthiz) and when I had finished I knew he would be well. As I left the small house with the boy sleeping inside, the people of the village kept stopping me – to thank me or to ask me to help their children. I knew however that I needed to speak with the need-fire.

I approached the need-fire and asked if there was a rune spirit. It said:

I am Nauthiz, and here you have seen my power.
Though these people felt they had no power
They realized the on thing that can always do – seek help.
And you have seen the other aspect of me –
For it was through you that aid and hope have been given to these people.

I turned around and the village cheered me as I left for the aid I’d given.

And truly, I believe this aspect of Nauthiz – the giver of aid – is so often overlooked. It is a great gift of Nauthiz that we see the ties that bind and can call out to have them cut; sometimes we can accomplish this ourselves, but other times we need the help of others. Sometimes we are but instruments of healing and I am honored whenever I am chosen for this role.

Journeying to the Runes – Part 3: Berkana and Tiewaz

Tiewaz and Berkana are the first two runes of the third aett. I have always experienced these two runes as having a deep connection. In fact, on this particular journey I was first brought to Berkana who led me to Tiewaz; stating that I should experience them together. Even now I’m not exactly sure how these two are connected, at least it’s difficult to put into words. To me, they are perfect compliments – not opposites. Exploring this connection will be the focus for another journey.

My tattoo of Tiewaz and Berkana

I am Berkana, and you know me well,
The strength and grace of your foremothers;
The growth and renewal of spring time.
Come to me and be nourished and filled,
To learn the truth of interdependence,
For nothing can truly survive alone

I am Tiewaz, the spiritual warrior.
I am more then simple honor-I am more then
Having a code of ethics. I am having one
And sticking to it. I am the laws and orders
Of the Universe present in humanity.

Journeying to the Runes – Part Two: Isa

I’d mentioned a while back that I was starting to journey to meet the spirits of the Runes – and I’ve been continuing to do that. I haven’t really been sure how to share what I’ve encountered, but I do feel that it is, in part necessary – and now, even though some of these journeys happened 6 months ago, is the time to begin sharing. For the record, my journeys are not recounted here in full – only that which I’ve been called to share.

My second journey took me to Isa:

I am Isa – the cold biting ice…
I am the serenity of stillness,
A quiet retreat from which all possibilities are born.
I hold the patterns of all things…
A pause with the promise of the continuation of the cycle
Like the pause between inhale and exhale.

Icicle – Isa in nature

Clearly, Isa is making reference Niflheimr – the primordial ice, the proto-matter of the world. Also, Isa speaks of the importance of its place among the Futhark. It is the pause before continuation of Jera and the stillness after the chaos and disruption of Hagalaz and Nauthiz. Isa also holds the patterns of all things – look to the Runes, all of which are composed of lines and many composed abound a main stav.

Feeling the Call

The Call

I refer to it as “the call” – the slight feeling of urgency that I have about becoming more involved in the realms of Shamanism.  Not anxious, nervous, or rushing; just a sense of urgency, importance, and necessity. The old ways call to me, they send out whispers into my reality – in books, music, and conversation. I’ve always felt this call, but for a long time I didn’t know what exactly I was being called to; after my first encounter with Core Shamanism, however, I finally had my answer to the question sitting in the very back of my mind.

Lately, I’ve felt the call even stronger – it seems that I can’t wait for circumstances to be “perfect” to answer the call.